Rise of the Covidiots | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, April 07, 2020 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, April 07, 2020


Rise of the Covidiots

Corona! A word striking fear into everyone's hearts. People are indeed petrified and panic-stricken by the Covid-19's lethality. Some people more than others. It is these people who belong to the notorious community, the Covidiots.

A covidiot is someone who goes against all the safety regulations (ones that actually could work) and decides to shelter themselves in their unconventional ways. Here are some covidiots you might be able to recognise.

Ms. Buy-Everything-TODAY!

Yes, the panic buyer. A true slave of the capitalist society. Pictures of these covidiots have been circling the web since before the dark days of quarantine. The wallet-heavy creatures walk into convenience stores with an intention to annihilate everyone else's chances of buying masks, sanitisers, toilet paper rolls and other necessities.

Well, of course, their panic is understandable; fifteen sanitisers for a family of four will simply not cut it. What if everything closes down tomorrow and there are no more sanitisers? What if going outdoors becomes a carnal sin?

These covidiots are forward thinkers. Best to leave them to their adventures.

The CEOs of Sanitisation

Coronavirus has a weakness; the fearsome virus can be tackled through hand washing and proper sanitisation. A group of covidiots have adapted this fact as a life mantra.

Starting from their hands to the books they touch to the mugs they use; every article has been generously splattered with an intoxicating layer of sanitiser or hexisol. This is conducted routinely everyday twice as they stay quarantined in their own homes. One can only imagine how their passion to sanitise would manifest if they were out and about.

These covidiots are likely to be exclusive members of the Buy-Everything-TODAY club.

Doctor Faith

Nothing can harm Doctor Faith. At this moment, he is probably out and about, chatting at close distances with his fellow covidiots who share the same, unshakeable belief.

Corona cannot touch him. In fact, corona fears Doctor Faith. His belief, a sacred and powerful entity, wielding massive strength, will protect him. His ritualistic offerings to this entity have made him immune, rendering coronavirus weak in front of him. Who needs a mask to breathe in clean air when they have an adamantine faith?

The Spring Breakers

Corona could not make these adventurous souls from sitting idly. With universities closed, classes off and an unknown number of days of nothingness forward, this is the perfect opportunity for travelling.

When coronavirus was not around, these very people spend their weekends and holidays being lazy at home, streaming Netflix, cancelling plans and ignoring their friends. But now, why do all that when the empty traffic-less streets call their names? Now is their perfect time to venture out outside the city with a group of similar-minded friends with whom they have barely spent time with before.

The Doctor Next Door

This individual has a degree in medicine specialising in Covid-19 from all the social gatherings he still attends and news he reads from undoubtedly reliable sources on social media. The television and the internet have educated him splendidly.

As he douses his home and the outside surroundings with a potent bleach solution to kill any virus, he yells at his family members to bathe in steaming hot water while eating a vitamin-C enriched orange.

Simultaneously, he passes his education onto his neighbour, telling them about how chloroquine, an anti-malarial drug is the solution to curing coronavirus's victims. He swears on Donald Trump's scientific and not at all FDA-approved statements.

Best to fact-check anything this doctor says.

This community is expanding as a whole in diverse ways as quarantined days never end. But no community remains unchallenged. It remained our duty to bring covidiots back into the light and expose the coronavirus's true face to them.

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