Below are two reports. They are either satire or not satire. Sometimes even we don't know what satire is. And in today's world, the lines are more blurred than ever before. Satire here is like our rape laws: no one knows what it is or should be.
BANGERS HAVE A LOT TO TEACH USA ABOUT DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS
There are many things that the USA can learn from Bangladesh, Boss of Election Commission (BC) Hudai Kotha said after casting his vote last week.
"We can learn good things from the US as well," the BC told journalists.
"Counting votes [in the US presidential election] took four to five days, but we can finish counting votes in four to five minutes," he said.
"In fact, sometimes we don't even count votes since we know who will win," he added.
He also binned the opposition party's allegations of their polling agents not being allowed to stay in polling centres. He said the election was peaceful and the few opposition party people they beat up were just anomalies.
"We have been very helpful. Sometimes, we voted on behalf of others so they didn't have to take the trouble themselves," he said.
"Transfer of power will not be normal if the elections are not fair, impartial, participatory and acceptable. If the elections are not acceptable and fair, there are chances of social anarchy," he added, although this was probably him speaking on a tangent.
'RAPES CAN BE PREVENTED IF GIRLS ARE TREATED LIKE TAMARIND'
A lawmaker in parliament found the perfect solution to rape: shut the feminists up and treat women like tamarinds.
He later backtracked and said people misunderstood him. "Listen to the whole thing. I wanted to use the 'tamarind principle' but you journalists don't even know the full thing," he said.
"I had compared women not to tamarinds, but to flowers first. Whenever people see flowers, they want to smell the fragrance. So I was asking women not to go outside without purdah [veil].
"I did not label them as tamarinds. I had only likened them to tamarinds because when you walk beneath a tamarind tree, or see someone eating tamarind, you want to taste it. No one understood the difference…" he said while sweating profusely.
When asked what the hell he meant, he began to get even more nervous.
"Listen, let me bring a beautiful female in front of you. Sit and stare at her for four minutes straight and then describe your feelings to me. You will see what I meant," he meant.
When this reporter told him he would not stare at a girl for four minutes and perhaps that staring was also a big problem, the minister pulled out his gun which he had taken a selfie with a few days ago.
"Stop twisting my words," he said, before storming out.
Earlier, the MP in parliament had also said, ""In the name of women's liberation, feminists are encouraging women to become freer. This has increased the acceptability of rape so much among rapists that they are encouraged to commit the act."
This, however, could not be discussed with him as he dug himself a deep hole and then threw a hissy fit.