Government sets one-hour ‘mingling window’ for citizens amid lockdown | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, May 09, 2020 / LAST MODIFIED: 11:22 AM, May 10, 2020


Government sets one-hour ‘mingling window’ for citizens amid lockdown

Frustrated with the absolute stupidity of people, the government of Bhangadesh today announced a one-hour window for citizens to go out and mingle with each other.

This came after their earlier plan to open shopping malls did nothing for the economy as few people had money to splurge on Eid dresses, especially at a time when even profit-making hospitals had decided to cancel the festival bonuses of doctors and nurses.

The mingling hour has been set from 11:00am to 12:00pm, a period when it has been historically proven that no bad things happen.

"Good boys and girls should not out go out after the sun sets any way. This will also inculcate good habits among these westernised people," the country's health and apparently also the morality minister said.

"Look, these people are constantly gathering till 5:00pm anyway. I have seen them idling around vegetable sellers, passing vegetables to each other and asking that those be smelled. We don't know why they are behaving this way, but there's not much we can do now," Petal Jamal, a minister hired because of his connections, said.

"None of us have any expertise on this or any other matter. Our health minister never even opened a biology book in his life. Our commerce minister is a loan-defaulter," another top official said on condition of anonymity.

With an entire state mechanism mired in incompetence, the ruler of the country also lashed out at their supporting cast yesterday. "If I gave them toilet paper to distribute among the people, they would use those to make tant sari for themselves, which would be gorgeous but simple. Of course, until it started to rain -- the health minister would have a problem with that," they said.

Having failed to keep citizens indoors, the government had to come up with the one-hour window, experts (maybe) said.

During the hour, all parks, restaurants and businesses will be kept open.

"This will save us all in the long run, please keep writing about that," said a glassy-eyed very, very high official of the finance ministry. "The world is about more than people, man," he added, before explaining whatever little he understood about "herd immunity".

"Why don't cows get coronavirus? Because herds, man," he said.

Meanwhile, citizens have been asked to use the window well and not make it a reason to spread the deadly infection currently plaguing the city, which is expected to worsen, because why shouldn't it?

"I am going to Cox's Bazar," a citizen told this correspondent when asked how he planned to use the time. When reminded that he could never make that journey in an hour, he said it was okay because the country's people had very strong immunity and something about the sun.

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