How to not do your chores | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, December 06, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:06 AM, December 06, 2018

How to not do your chores

We dread it, we run from it. But mother dearest will appear. And she will hand us a list of chores that will make you roll our eyes and mumble, “Why me?” to our divine deities.

House chores are the bane of our everyday convenience. Our sufferings have lasted too long. For too long have we been made to slave ourselves by completing demanding tasks like making the bed or bringing in the groceries while our mothers merely toil all day around the house, making things easier for us.

Well, yours truly here has a few ways that we no longer have to go through such troubles.

 

GROCERY SHOPPING

Doesn't it annoy us when we're made to go get a pack of salt, or go to the local bazaar to get some essentials? Well, why not use the age-old desh er obostha excuse? Make yourself easy to be robbed. Flaunt and wave your grocery money in the air and hope that your robber-to-be has clear vision of you.

 

SWEEPING AND DUSTING

Why should we clean up when there will always be people that can do it for us? Besides, we all know how bad dust is for our lungs. Mommys' little gems should not have to go through such ordeals. That's why we wait. Our mothers will nag. And our fathers will support their wives. But by the end of the day, it will be our resilience that will triumph, ending with our mothers doing our chores after grounding us or muttering how ungrateful we are.

 

THE DISHES

Washing the dishes seems very unnecessary. Why wash them when you can eat with your eyes closed while eating out of your dirty dishes? The filth doesn't affect you if you can't see it, right? Simply rinsing the dishes should do. And so what if the dishes start to stink and get mouldy at one point? There will always be money to replace them.

 

THE TRASH

So what if there is going to be a culture of pests and creatures of the underworld attracted to the trash that heaps up in your kitchen? Food sources are scarce for those poor creatures. Let them eat the trash for you. Win-win. You don't have to take the trash out, pests get the food. Don't blame others if the pests start living in your house, though. That's all on you.

 

WATERING THE PLANTS

Water them? Hah! If they REALLY needed to be watered, they'd ask for it themselves. Why should we have to go through the trouble of giving them nourishment? I know they make our homes look nicer, and we can always go for a minimalistic aesthetic, right? Just chuck them out.

 

QUALITY TIME WITH FAMILY

Who does that anymore? There's a reason why this is considered to be a chore nowadays. Your parents want to sit down with you and chatter about how their day went? Pfft. We don't have time for that. Just lock yourselves in your rooms

Unironically speaking, cherish your family. Help your parents out when you can. They will give all their world for you. There's no harm in alleviating some of the work from their daily lives. All they ask is for a little attention. So give them that.

 

Aka is a tiny little bleep on the world's radar, and he finds peace in knowing it. Ruin his peace by poking him on akaaraf@hotmail.com

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