A Pasta Recipe for Salty People | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, November 01, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:14 PM, November 01, 2018

A Pasta Recipe for Salty People

Have you ever faced the excruciatingly painful and mind-numbingly annoying task of having to be a host to a salty person? Don't worry; we have just the recipe for you. Our pasta recipe is such that it can make this super salty person a more tolerable creature.

Pour oil in the pan so that when this salty person enters any conversation and raises the temperature like they always do when they talk, you can tolerate the heat.

Boil the pasta till it softens, which is something the facial muscles of a salty person never does.

Carefully transport the boiled pasta to a bowl; avoid spilling. The salty person is not the one to ask for help in this part because they have a reputation of spilling everything on everyone, even though they were not supposed to, at the slightest provocation.

Chop up some garlic really well so its presence is not really understood but it also keeps away people who suck out your energy the way vampires suck out blood.

Add a colourful assortment of vegetables like carrots, corns, and peppers to help the salty person stop seeing the world in black and white. This will also prevent unnecessary fights from breaking out like it usually does whenever the salty person is present because they might see someone else's side for a change and not misunderstand situations.

Make sure to cut the chicken, vegetables, mushrooms or whatever you choose to put in the pasta into small pieces to help your guest swallow whatever is in their mouth because we don't want anything coming out of there.

Remember to add butter to help your very special guest smoothen out relationships they ruined in the past because they spoke without thinking and acted without considering any of the implications. So basically, you need to add a ton of butter to this dish.

Wait till the butter melts and then simmers, eventually mixing with the frying pan, as people need to be given time to get over their own anger at the very rash and mindless actions of the guest you're so happy to host.

Towards the end, add red chilli flakes and black pepper to symbolise the raging hot fire the salty person usually sees before letting it all out on completely innocent people and brutally damaging all things in their vicinity.

Sprinkle parmesan and mozzarella on the top and broil to ensure everything stays securely in.

Make your salty guest taste the pasta. Notice if it makes the guest wince; you've made it right if it does.

And lastly, only add salt if your salty guest felt burned while you were making pasta following this recipe.

 

Matilda likes to pretend she is invisible and inconspicuous.

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