The Cat Burglar | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, July 05, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, July 05, 2018

The Cat Burglar

As I stretch out onto my bed, my eyes drooped.  Master had been at “the gym” all day today, so there were no pesky interruptions in my observation of the winged rodents next door. I believe I have almost cracked their behaviour pattern and will most definitely have one of them as my captive the next time Master forgets to close the barrier between our abodes.

As I fantasise about the wonderful meal that would follow, I ponder wistfully upon my own shortcomings as a life form. Although I am, in all manners of the mind, far ahead of Master, it is indisputable that his physique is to be envied. My own structure, gorgeous though it may be, with the soft red and white coat, and lithe muscles I possess, leaves something to be desired: thumbs. How I wish I had opposable thumbs! I am denied a world of balanced gripping by this leap in the evolutionary ladder. The unfairness is quite unbearable.

However, as Master turns out the lights, and takes his place on his more size-appropriate bed, I put away my woes because I am again at an advantage.  I know Master cannot see well in the darkness; I cannot forget the one time he stepped on me in his haste to get off the bed. The audacity still stings, but I have since forgiven him. He tries his best after all with the limited capacity he has been endowed with. My vision however is as clear as day, developed from the millennia during which our kind had to hunt for their sustenance. As I prepare for my slumber I dream that my ancestors marvel at how we live now.

Suddenly, the ground trembles beneath me. I know not how long it has been since sleep overtook me, but I am sure that the fiery globe has not yet arisen. I am also absolutely certain that these strange footsteps do not belong to Master. In one swift motion I am erect on my feet. From the slight opening in the bedroom door, I can see movement: two new humans. Who are these invaders of our land?

Never before has my heart pounded with such intensity. Curiosity overtakes me, and I softly make my way towards the door. With one push of my shoulder, it is wide open. Having made the channel of visuals clear, in the next moment, I am under Master's bed. I can see what the intruders are doing now, but I would be foolish to expose myself to them.

I watch from the safety of my position under the bed as the intruders examine our belongings. They were lifting the black sheet on which Master watches his moving pictures. I battled with the idea of waking Master up. I argued, however, that the moving pictures, albeit entertaining at times, didn't mean much to me. Their loss wasn't worth the risk.  Next they went for the crystal vase on top of our table on which Master performs his own feeding activities. I had tried many a times to knock that monstrosity off the table myself. Good riddance I say!

However, the thieves then went for other possessions of ours, many of which I treasured deeply. As they went into the cupboard that housed my litter, I couldn't just sit in cowardice anymore. I came out from under the bed, and leapt on to Master. I thanked God when Master woke up, but had the good sense to stay quiet. In the next minute there was a soft thud outside our quarters, which alerted Master of the current predicament we were in. Master quickly took his “phone”, and spoke some hurried words into it which I couldn't catch.

Next, he whispered a soft “Good boy” to me and somehow, displaying a keen awareness of his surroundings I hadn't thought him capable of, he grabbed the wooden stick residing beside his bed that he often took outside to play with, and tiptoed his way outside. I had the strongest urge to flee under the bed again, but I decided to follow him. Not because I cared about him. Such sentimentalities were beneath me. I only wished to make sure my litter was safe.

One of the men was in the kitchen. I could smell something familiar on him, though I couldn't put my paw on exactly what it was. The other man was right outside the bedroom, facing away from us. As Master slowly approached him, I decided to check on what had happened to my litter. As I made my way into my litter room, the nasty odour got stronger. Suddenly I knew what it was. And as I looked into my litter box, my worst fears were realised. That scoundrel had excreted into my litter! What kind of monster would do such a thing?! This was the limit. I knew I must avenge this vile act!

I made my way towards the enemy in the kitchen. I timed my attack with Master's for maximum effectiveness. Just as Master swung his bat and hit the first goon across the back of the head, I leapt into action and sunk my claws and teeth into the second's forearm. Master was no weakling. His adversary crumbled to the ground after that first hit. My attack had also been deadly. As the crook cried out in pain, Master diverted his attention to him, and running into the kitchen, knocked him out with a single punch to the side of the head!

Just then the apartment door swung open and a dozen men in similar clothing walked in. Master looked relieved upon their appearance, which soothed my worries of further adversaries. As the men in uniform took away the two rascals, Master picked me up and held me tight to his body. Usually I wouldn't allow such blatant cuddling of my being, but tonight he had soldiered for my protection, and I allowed the familiarity, licking his ears to let him know he had done well.   

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