How to be a woman in a rom-com | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, January 24, 2019 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, January 24, 2019

SATIRE

How to be a woman in a rom-com

At one point or another, we have all envied the rom-com protagonists who seem to have it all; the luxurious house, the convenient job, the perfect wardrobe, and the dreamy guy. Now you can have all that as well with just these few easy steps.

1. JOIN A FASHION MAGAZINE

This is the most crucial step because your job is what's holding you back. Sure, you might face a strict and demanding boss who'll give you impossible tasks but these experiences will make you realise who you are and who you want to be in the future and you will have your perfect rom-com epiphany.

2. OPEN YOUR MESSAGE REQUESTS

The reason you haven't found the perfect guy yet is because he has been in your DMs all this time and you just haven't accepted his message request yet. Do you see rom-com protagonists running away from strangers? Do you see them running away from blind dates? They embrace the weird guy who sends them heartfelt messages. So, be open to loving confessions even if they go along the line of “Bby tomi ato cte kano”.

3. GET A PLANE TICKET

Do you want that grand romantic gesture which usually happens towards the end of the movie after the guy realises his mistakes and screams your name in the middle of the airport? Then, every time your relationship faces small misunderstandings, you have to run out of the house and catch a plane to a country far, far away. Don't wait to talk everything out like rational human beings. The farther you run, the grander the ultimate romantic gesture will be.

4. MASTER THE ART OF FALLING

But, how do you meet that perfect dreamy guy, you ask? How do you catch their attention? Easy, be clumsy. Fall down from 10 flights of stairs in hopes that the perfect guy will be waiting to catch you. Trip and fall in front of the whole office. That dream guy you want is attracted to females with horrible coordination.

5. LOOK THE PART OF THE 'MANIC PIXIE GIRL'

Now that you have it all, how do you look the part? You look in the mirror and realise you don't look anything like Zooey Deschanel or Jennifer Aniston. This means it's time for you to visit your neighbourhood optometrist and get those lenses. Once you lose your glasses and those tight pony tails and flip your hair in the wind a few times, no one will be able to differentiate between you and the average rom-com heroine.

At this point, you're all ready to go out there and live that cheesy life.

 

Tasnim Odrika likes pineapple on pizza and is willing to fight anyone who opposes her on this. Reach her at odrika_02@yahoo.com

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