University majors as horoscope | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, November 08, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, November 08, 2018

University majors as horoscope

Your Zodiac sign might fail you at one point, but hopefully, your university major will not. If the horoscopes on Page 2 of SHOUT isn't enough to get you through the day, perhaps this might.    

 

Law: Go meet up with your friends, find out something shady they did, and then tell them how they could be prosecuted in accordance with “Article 4 Paragraph 2 Section 0 Sub-section Alpha, Beta and Gamma of the Law on Shady Things” your friends do. Also, don't forget to comfort them afterwards stating how you would always be there for them when they are in prison and that they are entitled to your special “inmate friends” discount.

 

Finance: Just because you don't find interest in something doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it. Rally up more people to fight against the engineering majors who will try to steal your jobs.        

 

Marketing: Don't be afraid of finding the most trending meme on the internet and manipulating it in a way to promote your brand. Make sure you let everyone around you know that negative marketing is still marketing. In case any of your marketing campaigns fails to serve the purpose, don't be disheartened. Remember, there exists this one energy-saving light bulb brand that is still trying to sell its products at a promotional price since forever.   

 

Accounting: Write a song called “Accounting Stars”. It can go something like this, “Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep, Dreaming 'bout the spreadsheets that I could never complete.”  

 

Mathematics: For once, find out what Sam is going to do with those three hundred water melons he bought. Also, find the value of x when you can. If it's anything below a ten, you made the right choice.

 

Physics: Stay indoors for the day. Newton's Third Law might come into play. You can utilise your time by practicing Fleming's Left Hand Rule. Now that The Big Bang Theory is coming to an end, which sitcom do you plan on explaining to your friends?

 

Chemistry: Ever thought of participating in a beauty pageant? They do ask some really difficult questions related to chemistry. Give it a shot. Afterwards, you can decide what you want to do with that bottle of cyanide in your lab.

 

Literature: Doth not worry about thy future, for thou art more talented than thou thinketh. Ignore what others sayeth to thee. Hark to the advice thy friends giveth to thee. And avoideth talking liketh this to thy friends if thee doth not wanteth to be hit with a hard cover copy of Hamlet.    

 

Architecture: Why don't you build something for yourself this time? Perhaps something realistic, like a snowman. Or you could take the day off and play around with Lego. Get some sleep tonight if you can. Ever wondered what you would do if the world ran out of coffee?      

 

Microbiology: As someone once said, “Small may be beautiful, but big is necessary”. Appreciating the small things in life may not always be the best idea. After all, you can't carry your microscope everywhere you go. Your affection for the field might just work in your favour someday.  

 

Computer Science: The only bug in your code is you. You can probably fix the problems in your code but have you ever wondered who is going to solve the ones in your life? So give the day to yourself, design an algorithm that will help you reach your goal, write the code to your success, watch it fail as you hit compile, cry, and repeat. At this point, it's okay to think about switching your major to Information Technology. By the way, learn how to install an operating system. That type of work is always in demand.     

 

Information Technology: You should've went with Computer Science. Oh wait, never mind.  

 

Civil Engineering: If you are asked to do the groceries, make sure you demand more money than what is actually needed stating that everything is overpriced these days. Also, if you are asked to get it done within an hour, be sure to take the entire week.

 

Electrical & Electronic Engineering: Might be a good day to work on your MBA application. 

 

Economics: You should start having more faith in yourself than capitalism.         

 

International Relations: Best of luck with your civil service examinations and future MUN endeavours. 

 

Anthropology: You can study humans all you want, but you still can't unravel why they put pineapple on pizza. Avoid lecturing people about the history of their own culture and how they are doing it wrong. That's the least of their concerns.      

 

Faisal wants to be the very best, like no one ever was. To survive university is his real test, to graduate is his cause. Send him memes and motivation at abir.afc@gmail.com

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