After U-loop failure, I-turn to revolutionise traffic
Dhoka's traffic system will see an overhaul after U-loops were shown to be a spectacular failure.
The concerned authorities (not to be mistaken for the authorities concerned) will now introduce a revolutionary new system called the I-turn.
The traffic division of DMP has tapped into what they have known for long – that Dhoka drivers cannot be asked to follow rules.
"What is this U-loop fiu-loop?" asked a furious motorist who had been stuck at the turning point of the U-loop in Manani for an hour.
"This is Dhoka… all of these bideshi things will not work here," he fumed before poleaxing the umpteenth car that was cutting him off from the left to take the turn.
"In theory, the U-loop works, because it provides a big enough space for the cars to take the turn without slowing down much," said a high police official who had just seized a box of cookies. "But it seems that we our motorists do not have much understanding of lanes. People in the right lane should turn into the U-loop while people in the left lanes should keep going straight."
He then kept looking at cars crowding near the nearby U-loop and chuckled for a full minute.
"That's fun to watch… But anyway, as I was saying, some ideas don't work here. So, we have decided to revolutionise the traffic system once again."
He said the new system would involve changing the U-loop into an I-turn. That, he said, was more in keeping with Dhokaists' ideals.
"We will narrow the roads, create a bottleneck and let Dhoka drivers do what they do best – challenge each other to take the turn first. If we do it strategically, we can ease congestion in other areas," said another official after the previous one wandered out of the room.
"What we need is to slow things down, who needs to live the fast life anyway?" he asked as he reached for the box of cookies.